Does all artistic interest naturally wind down as one gets older? The answer in a beautifully optimistic mind is no and that it isn't that simple.

It's a shame I'm a cynical so-and-so.

I'm dangerously becoming one of those people, despised by those that are older for having youth, and yet moaning about it slipping away. One of those crashing bores falling into a chasm of hate for my age, when all of my peers have taken the right route and are spending their time appropriately.

The effort I need to use everyday increases exponentially with every year. This is the same with trying to find some kind of artfulness. It doesn't come naturally anymore, nothing flows or comes directly to me. Everything needs practise. And truely, I can't get used to this...I don't want to need to practise. I want me to work right now...I want everything to be already unpacked in my head ready to be used like it used to be.

I'm just depressed really. And its sadder that I can't bumble out this jumble of crazy on people I would otherwise trust. I need them to think about me THAT way, not THIS way...everything is image control.